Monday, April 30, 2007
Clack clack Aaaah!
by MisterNihil 1:19 PM
Thursday, April 26, 2007
I'll tell you a story. You won't like it. It will be about a boy who finds his little toy rattle, and isn't happy in the end, because he's all grown up, and the rattle is still the same damn rattle it used to be. He's older. It's older. He's more mature. It's a stupid rattle.
You heard that one? Well, I got the old one about the man who stays the night in a haunted house, with his dog, I think. The dog is sitting by the fire, and there's a bloody head outside. Well, I kind of spoiled the punch line of that one.
"And it was a bloody head." That's the punch line. "And a head fell down the chimney, and it was a bloody head." The head sings to the dog, the dog sings to the head, and the head comes down the chimney. You know that one too? Yeah, it's either a classic, or one by Alvin Schwartz. I don't remember which. Either way, it's an old one, like I said.
You heard the one about the eagle and the mouse? No, I didn't think so. I heard that one just yesterday, sitting at the bus stop. It seems that this eagle was-
None of your business. I can take the damn bus anywhere I want to. May I continue?
Fine. So, it seems that this eagle was flying over his kingdom, and he espied a mouse. The mouse was just sitting in a patch of grass, not moving, but the eagle caught sight of just his tail.
No, all eagles are kings. This one wasn't anything special. Every eagle is the king of his territory. That's why he can hunt what he pleases. Even human children who ask too many questions. Now, if I may continue?
Thank you. He caught sight of the mouse's tail. He flew in two large loops, which is what Eagles do when they want to think. He flew first to the left, looking to see if the mouse would move, and then to the right. The mouse didn't move. He shrieked his hellacious Eagle shriek, which makes even the least timid of mouses jump, then freeze. The mouse did not move.
The Eagle was puzzled. He could see the mouse's tail, but he couldn't make the mouse move. He flew down lower, keeping first his right, and then his left eye on the tail. The Eagle made smaller and smaller circles as he came slowly down, keeping his eyes on the tail all the time. He screamed again, his loudest scream, a scream which gave him a sense of pride no Eagle should be without, but which most Eagles only feel seldom, when they scream a truly terrifying scream. The mouse did not move. Only his tail stuck out of the grass. The Eagle, giving up, finally dove, grabbed the tail in his left talon, and flapped back toward the sky.
He was suddenly beset as a mouse leapt from a nearby rock. The Mouse landed on the Eagle's back and began to stab him with a tiny knife. This confused the Eagle, who did the only thing he could: He dropped the tail and dropped like a stone to the Earth. The mouse continued stabbing, and as the Eagle died, he saw that the mouse had a tiny tourniquet on his tail. The last thing that proud Eagle heard was the giddy laughter of this tiny dynamo of a mouse.
No, it has a moral. The moral is this: be damn careful. Mice are sneaky, and some of them have knives. Also, some mice will cut off their tails to catch an eagle.
No, you can't have another. That's three stories. Now go to bed, and sweet dreams. Spread your sleepy wings and fly, but watch out for sneaky mice.
by MisterNihil 6:43 PM
by MisterNihil 6:42 PM
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